Without You
by BearsEatBeats91
Summary: Edited from former story. Set in New Moon, Edward comes back to Forks after Bella tries to commit suicide.
1. Prologue

**AN: This story was previously posted, but, it has been nearly a year since I updated, so I've deleted my old story, re-edited and combined some of the chapters. I'm hoping it makes more sense now, and I'm sorry to anyone who was reading it before. This is the same story, just edited and compressed. Enjoy!  
Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer. I do not own the characters.**

**Prologue  
**

**BPOV  
**

He was kissing me. He was kissing me in a way he had never kissed me before; tender, gentle, and loving, yet at the same time fierce and rough. He wasn't holding back. And I could swear from the way he was kissing me that he loved me.

And then he was gone.

And I was running, looking for him, screaming his name, shrieking, sobbing, trying to find him, but he was gone. He left me. He didn't love me.

I bolted upright in bed, drenched in sweat, tears streaming down my face. My throat was raw and sore from screaming, and I pulled my arms around myself, holding onto my torso tighter than I ever had. Eventually the sobs subsided, and I fell back onto my bed. I began tracing the scars on my sides while staring at the wall, unseeing. It was over. I knew what I had to do. It was the only way to move away from this relentless, unmerciful pain. I couldn't take it anymore, I had to do something. I glanced at my clock – 1:30 am. I would have to wait the five hours for Charlie to leave, but I would wait. I could wait, if only for Charlie's sake. I settled back into bed, waiting for time to pass. For the first time in six months, I felt the first glimmer of something resembling hope.

The hours were unforgiving as I waited for Charlie to leave. With every second that passed the pain multiplied tenfold. At long last the front door opened and shut, and moments later I heard the cruiser pull out of the driveway. Finally, it was time. I crawled out of bed and reached under my mattress, pulling out the delicate wooden box I kept under there. I walked into the bathroom and began digging under the sink. Finally, I found what I was looking for. The bottle of aspirin was still new – only a few were gone from the bottle. I took a deep breath and opened the lid to the bottle, dumping some of the pills into my hand. I began lining them up on the floor in front of me. Forty-eight... Forty-nine... Fifty. Fifty little pills sat in a line in front of me. I reached for the box and pulled out the razor blade I had become so fond of lately. I had to do this right. I reached for the glass on the counter and filled it with water. I sat back down onto the floor, settling myself against the wall. This had to be precise, quick, so I wouldn't mess it up. I took a deep breath before scooping up the pills and gulping them down with the water. Once I had them all swallowed, I quickly snatched the razor off the ground, slicing into my wrists, deeper than I had ever dared to go before. I allowed my body to relax completely, feeling the blood dripping down my palms, off of my fingers and onto the floor. He didn't want me. It wasn't meant to be. He was meant to love someone else. It was over now; I could admit that, I could let the pain have me. I let go completely, concentrating on every drop of blood falling from my body. Not much longer now – it was almost over. I would lose consciousness soon, and then, before too long, I would die. I felt my stomach lurch – the pills were beginning to take effect. Almost time... Not much longer...

My eyes moved to the door as it flew open. "Edward..."

"Bella."

And at that moment, I knew. I knew it was time. I knew I was dying, because there, standing in the doorway, ready to take me to my own, personal heaven, was my angel.


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer. I do not own the characters. **

**Chapter 1**

**EPOV**

The pain was especially unrelenting today. I was in a small hotel room in Holtville, California, curled in a ball on the floor. Tomorrow, I would move east toward Texas and continue my hunt for Victoria. But today, I couldn't bear to move – every movement seemed to multiply the pain tenfold. So I just laid there on the floor, allowing the occasional sob to rip itself from my chest.

My phone rang for the eleventh time. Alice. I sighed, knowing she wouldn't give up calling until I answered.

"Hello?"

"Edward!" Alice sobbed from the other line.

"Alice, what's wrong?" I was immediately on alert.

"We have to help her Edward! We have to help her! She's going to kill herself Edward, we have to help her!"

My heart gave a painful lurch. "Who?" I asked, but I already knew the answer.

"Bella!"

I was already out the door, running faster than I ever had before. "How long Alice? How long do we have?"

"Just under five hours. Edward, I'm sorry. I wasn't looking, I swear, I just saw it. As soon as she decided what she was going to do I saw it. I'm sorry Edward. Please hurry! Please!" She was frantically screaming now, her pained sobs tearing through the phone.

"I know Alice. I'm on my way."

"Hurry Edward!" And the line went dead. I pushed myself faster, pushing past the pain trying to crumble me, pushing past the dry sobs threatening to break free. Pushing myself to her. I was prepared to get on the first plane to Italy if I was too late. No, I would not be too late. Not now, when there is so much at stake. Faster, I had to go faster. I had to save her. I had to – being too late wasn't an option. I had to make it. What was she thinking? How could she do this? Doesn't she know I can't live without her? Doesn't she know what she would be leaving behind?

Faster. I had to run faster.

As I reached Forks I was assaulted with a faint smell. Faint, but sweet. The sweetest smell I knew. Blood. Bella's blood. Faster. Two more minutes and I would be there. One more minute. I hastily pulled the key out from under the eave and let myself in, bounding up the stairs as fast as I could. I follow the scent of blood, and pushed open the bathroom door. And there, crumpled against the far wall, was Bella, _my_ Bella, with blood leaking from her wrists into crimson puddles on the floor. I stood there, still, fighting the monster within me that thirsted for her blood. Her unfocused eyes met mine, and she let out a shallow breath. "Edward..."

"Bella." And then her eyes closed and she slipped into unconsciousness. And then, just like that, the monster was gone. Not tame, like it had been for all the time I was with her before, but gone. Suddenly, there was no part of me that thirsted for her blood anymore. I saw the open aspirin bottle laying beside her as I scooped her into my arms and ran down the stairs out the front door. Carlisle's Mercedes pulled to a screeching halt outside and Alice jumped out of the drivers' seat.

"Get in! Carlisle spent the whole ride down here on the phone with the hospital. He pulled some strings so he could start work again as soon as possible. This way, he'll get to treat her. He'll meet us there." I pulled Bella into the back seat with me, and Alice was driving at top speed before I even had time to pull the door closed behind us. I tightened my arms around her, my angel, before I took one wrist in each hand, applying pressure to the deep wounds in order to slow the bleeding. It was then that I saw the scars up and down her arms, and on the exposed flesh on her sides between her tank top and pajama pants.

"Alice, do you know how long she has been cutting herself?"

"No, Edward. I didn't see anything until today." Dry sobs wracked through me as I realized what I had done to my angel, to my Bella. "Everything will work out Edward. We'll fix this." Alice tried to comfort me as she pulled up to the hospital. I focused on Bella's faint heartbeat as I bolted out of the car and into the hospital. Carlisle was waiting inside the door with a gurney and an army of nurses flanking him. I laid her down and turned to Carlisle, who was trying to comfort me in his head.

"What happened, Edward?" He asked aloud, for the benefit of our audience.

"She slit her wrists and took some aspirin. I don't know how much." By now we had reached a room. Carlisle lifted her wrists to his face and sniffed, in order to see how much of the drug had reached her bloodstream. I took a deep breath as I stifled the sobs threatening to explode from my core.

I stayed by Bella's side as Carlisle induced vomiting and stitched up her wrists. Now, finally, she was stable, hooked up to a heart monitor and IV. I was sitting in a chair at her bedside, simply watching her. She was breathing evenly, her cold hand resting lightly in mine. Carlisle poked his head through the door. "Alice called Charlie. He's on his way, but she's going to try and keep him from seeing her until she wakes up." I simply nodded. Carlisle left and closed the door behind him. I rested my head on the edge of her bed, waiting for the discussion that would come when my angel opened her eyes.

**BPOV**

I felt a dull ache settle over my body, which only intensified as the fuzziness in my head cleared, until it was a pain thrumming through my core. Then I remembered, _oh right I'm dead_... But death shouldn't hurt this badly, should it? Slowly, but surely, I began to register things. I could feel my limbs, every part of my body. Then, I registered the beeping in the background. I knew that sound. It only meant one thing. Someone had found me. I was alive.

_Well, crap..._

There went my ingenious plan to eradicate the pain. I prepared to face another day without Edward as I slowly wrenched open my eyelids. I was sure everyone in a ten mile radius heard the gasp that left me as my eyes focused on _him_. His eyes were trained on my face, carefully taking in my reaction to his presence. Maybe I was dead. But, if that was the case, shouldn't I be in Hell? Wasn't suicide a mortal sin? If I were in Hell, Edward would not be here with me. So, I concluded that I was, in fact, alive, and his presence only meant one thing.

I was hallucinating.

I had tried to kill myself and now my mind had created a fictional Edward to deal with the failure. Surely, this was going to land me in a loony bin for the rest of my days. I felt a few tears escape my eyes, and fake Edward's brow furrowed in worry.

"Bella?" His voice was more perfect than I remembered. "What's wrong?" He looked at me expectantly. Should I answer? What exactly does one say to a hallucination? "Bella?" He was expecting an answer, so I said the first thing I could think of – the truth.

"I was just wishing you were really here." A pained expression came upon his face.

"I am here."

"Yes, I'm imagining you being here, I just wish the real Edward were here instead." A look of pure agony distorted his perfect features.

"Bella, it's really me. I'm really here. Alice had a vision. I came to save you." I felt more tears pour out of my eyes. Even if he was really here, it was just because he felt guilty, not because he loved me – of course he didn't love me. I was entirely ordinary. "Bella, please don't cry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. If I had thought for a moment that you wouldn't be better off – please stop crying! I promise you I'm real. I'm really here. Please believe me Bella. Please..." He reached out and touched my cheek. He was real. He had to be. I could never imagine anything feeling as wonderful as his skin against mine. I closed my eyes and relished his touch. I was sobbing by now.

"You should have just let me die! I want to die!" He closed his eyes as his look of agony increased. "Just go," I finally managed to gasp out. He had a slightly hurt look on his face as he retracted his hand from my cheek. "The longer you stay the more it'll hurt when you leave again."

"Bella, I'm not leaving you again. Ever. Not unless you want me to."

I managed to glare at him. "Don't be ridiculous. You shouldn't have to be with someone you don't want to be with just because you feel guilty. It's not your fault – it's mine. I'll be fine. Just go."

"Bella, do you really think I'm here because I feel guilty?"

I was confused now. "Yes. Why else would you be here?"

"Because I love you!" He practically shouted at me. At this, the few tears which had subsided sprang back into my eyes with a vengeance.

"I knew it! I knew you weren't real! I knew it was too good to be true!" My entire body was shaking, wracked with heavy sobs that tumbled from the very center of my being.

"Bella, Bella, shh,shh. Please listen to me. Listen to me!" He planted a firm hand on either side of my face, waiting for me to be calm enough to listen. With his touch calming me, it didn't take long. "I am here. I am real. Alice had a vision, and I came to save you. I want you to know, and listen carefully as I tell you this, that every word I spoke to you that day in September was a lie. I only told you that because I thought it would be easier for you to move on if you thought I didn't love you anymore. I left because I thought that without me you would be able to move on and live a normal, happy, _human_ life. I couldn't stand to see you put into so much danger every day, especially because it was my fault. I wanted you to be able to move on without me, and I knew you would never let me go if you thought I still loved you. So don't you see? I had to lie Bella, to save you. I was putting your life into more danger every day by being with you. I couldn't live with myself if anything ever happened to you because of me. And now something _has_ happened to you because of me, and I almost wasn't there to save you." The sincerity in his eyes was overwhelming. I was having difficulty breathing. I didn't know what to think. I understood. If this was true, I understood why he felt he needed to leave. I wanted so badly to believe him.

Yet, it couldn't be true. I just shook my head. "It doesn't make sense for you to love me. And even if you do, you'll just do what you think is right. You'll just leave again eventually."

"No Bella, I won't. I thought leaving was the right thing to do, but I was wrong. I was so wrong, I don't know how you can ever forgive me. I realize now that we can't live without each other. We're meant to be. You can't live without me there to save you, and I couldn't even move without you. It hurt too much. I wanted to return to you so badly, there were times when I was almost ready to go to Italy just so I could remove the temptation."

My eyes widened at the memory of him telling me about the Volturi on my birthday. "No!" I managed to shriek.

The side of his mouth lifted into a half-hearted smile that didn't reach his eyes. "You see Bella, I can't leave you. Not unless you want me to. Fate pushed us together for a reason. Now, just tell me, can you still love me after all that I've put you through?" His eyes searched mine, the expression on his face imploring me to say yes.

"I will always love you, no matter what. No human being has ever loved another the way I love you. I have always loved you, even before I really knew you, I think, and I will always love you. Nothing can ever change that."

He looked elated, and his face lifted into my favorite crooked grin. "Isabella, I feel exactly the same way." And with that, his mouth crashed onto mine, his lips moving with passion, urgency, joy, adoration, and – dare I think it? – _love_. This wasn't like the dream I had...it was better.

He pulled away, all too soon, and began tracing the scars on my arm. "How long, Bella?" _Uh oh._ Then, I realized something.

"Edward, how were you able to save me? I mean, with my blood everywhere?"

He shrugged. "I don't thirst for your blood anymore. Once I realized you could die, no part of me wanted to drink you. Now, answer the question Bella."

I averted my gaze away from his. I was ashamed. I had not thought he would ever find out about this, and now that he had, I was embarrassed. "About a month after you left. I didn't really mean anything by it, I wasn't hurting anyone. And I never tried to kill myself before today! Please Edward! It was the only way I could feel anything anymore. Please, please don't be mad at me!"

"I'm not mad at you, love, I'm mad at me. This is all my fault. I love you so much, yet I've caused you all this pain. I don't deserve you. You're the most wonderful creature to ever walk this planet, and I nearly destroyed you because of my own misguided attempts at trying to save you. I'm sorry, truly I am, and I will never stop trying to prove it to you. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Edward." I moved over as far as I could on the bed. Taking my hint, Edward carefully laid in the spot beside me, circling me in his arms. I buried my face in his chest, deeply inhaling the scent I had missed so much. I felt tears leaking from my eyes again, but these were tears of joy. "Please don't leave me again."

He bent his face to kiss the top of my head before whispering, "Never."


	3. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer. I do not own the characters.  
**

**Chapter 2**

**EPOV**

I held her in my arms, pressing her warm body against my cold one, and wondering again how I had managed to live so long without this feeling. Without her.

I had already told her what Alice was telling Charlie: that we are moving back, and this morning Alice and I had gone to surprise Bella when she woke up, when we found her in the bathroom. We hoped he wouldn't ask too many questions, as it really was a very hastily thought up plan, and we hadn't had a lot of time to work out the details.

"So, what happens now?" she mumbled against my chest.

"Well, now my family and I move back into our house, Alice and I will pick up where we left off at school, and I will try very hard to convince Charlie not to kill me." She looked up at me with a confused expression, which started to change to hurt as I pulled away. "He's coming in now. Really, his thoughts are murderous. He hates me for doing this to you. As he should."

She tightened her grasp around me as I tried to get off of the bed. "He'll get over it. Please, don't get up." Tears filled her eyes as she gazed up at me imploringly. I sighed and settled back in next to her – as if I could refuse her when she gave me those eyes – just as Charlie burst into the room, his angry thoughts a jumbled mess.

_That little son of a..._ "Don't you touch her! Get the hell away from my daughter!" He was seriously considering shooting me.

"Dad! Shut up! I'm not letting him leave! He saved my life." Bella glared at her father, and I didn't have to read her mind to be able to tell that she wanted him to leave, which was slightly unfair, considering his every thought was filled with concern for her.

"Your life wouldn't need saving if he hadn't done this to you in the first place!" I flinched at the truth of his words. He started towards the bed, ready to physically pull me off of her, when Bella broke down into heart wrenching sobs.

"Please, Charlie. Please go away. I can't deal with this right now. Just, please." She then buried her face into my shoulder and continued crying. Charlie's face crumbled as he stepped out of the room, trying to comprehend how she could still want me after all I had done to her. I was inclined to agree with him.

Bella continued crying until she fell asleep, holding me against her with every ounce of strength in her frail body.

~~

Bella awoke just as Alice's voice announced in my head, _We're coming in! _

I groaned and leaned down to whisper a warning when the door flew open and Alice bounced in, pulling Jasper by the hand. Rosalie stalked in behind Emmett, who had his trademark goofy grin in place. Alice squealed in delight as Bella smiled timidly back at her.

"Hey, little sis!" Emmett boomed at her. Bella pressed her face into my shoulder, seemingly embarrassed by the company.

"What's wrong?" I whispered into her hair.

"Nothing, I just feel so horrible. So stupid. I'm so ashamed of myself." She said it quietly to me but everyone in the room heard, and were saddened. What was she thinking? We had done this to her and she was embarrassed that I had managed to break her.

_Don't worry Edward. Everything will be OK. Never bet against Alice._ I shot her a small appreciative smile before lightly kissing Bella on the lips. She smiled and turned to everyone, and before long it was like before, when we would sit together at my house and Emmett would make vile jokes and Rosalie would sit in the corner ignoring everyone. We fell into that same comfortable pace we were used to from before I had left that horrible day in September, until Carlisle came in telling everyone to leave, that a psychiatrist would come in to see Bella to try and determine when she could leave. Everyone walked out of the room before I kissed Bella and slid out of her arms and followed everyone out.

~~

The psychiatrist decided that Bella was no longer any danger to herself and could be released the next day. I held her against me while she slept, but had to get up to close the curtains when the sunlight began leaking through the window. The second our bodies no longer were touching I heard Bella let out a stifled sob, and she bolted upright and her eyes flew open, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes. I rushed back to her side and took her in my arms. "Please don't leave me. Please, please don't leave me. I love you so much. Please don't leave."

"I love you too, my Bella." She crashed her lips against mine, kissing my with an urgency I had never felt from her. She pulled me down onto the narrow hospital bed with her, and she pressed her body against mine, her every soft curve molding with the hard lines of my rigid body. Her arms tightened around my neck and I settled in next to her, us laying in our sides while hopelessly tangled together. My hands roamed up and down her sides, nothing between my hands and her soft flesh but the rough, flimsy cotton of her hospital gown. I was so lost in her that I didn't notice the angry thoughts coming my way, or the fowl smell of werewolf.

~~

BPOV

If I had a gun, I would shoot Jacob Black. I was having a perfectly wonderful moment, kissing Edward Cullen, when the stupid, mangy werewolf bursts into the room and starts ranting about how pissed off he is. And suddenly, he is standing there, shaking harder then an unbalanced washing machine, while Edward is crouched in front of my bed with a feral snarl ripping from his lips. I can only assume that whatever Jake is thinking, it's not pretty.

I'm pretty sure that if I were to get any angrier, I would have exploded into a giant green monster.

Needless to say, I was mad.

"Jacob Black! You get the hell out of this room before I tell my boyfriend to rip your intestines out and feed them to you!" I'm not sure how I managed to pull that one out of my brain while I was so overcome with anger, but, somehow, I did.

Jacob looked slightly confused. "Bella! How could you just let him come in here! How could you so easily forgive him after everything he's done to you?" Jake ripped his eyes off my face and furrowed his brow in concentration at Edward, who slightly curled in on himself in what looked to be pain. I could only assume what he was thinking; flashing images of myself in this zombie-like state over the last few months.

With the rational part of my brain, I was able to reach over and press the call button. Jacob did not break his gaze with Edward until the nurse came into the room.

"Did you need anything, dear?" she was trying not to look at Edward and Jake staring at each other.

"Can you please get him out of my room? I don't want him here right now." I pointed at Jake, who looked at me like I had just betrayed him, as he was dragged out of the room by his elbow.


	4. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer. I do not own the characters. **

**Chapter 3**

**BPOV**

_It'll be alright. Everything is going to be fine._ I had been out of the hospital a week, and it had been determined that I was well enough to go back to school. I was beyond nervous. Looking back over the last few months, I realized again how truly awful I was to all my friends. And now I had to make up for it.

As Edward held the door of the Volvo open for me, I noticed his face harden infinitesimally. I knew that was a bad sign.

"Edward, what's wrong?"

"I suppose I should tell you before you find out from someone else. Everyone knows why you haven't been at school. News spreads fast in Forks." I wasn't looking forward to the pitying glances as everyone carefully choreographed their way around me. But, I supposed it was my fault for being such an idiot. Though, I couldn't bring myself to completely regret it, not since it brought Edward back to me.

Most of the day passed by without incident. I was relieved when the final bell rang and I gathered all of my books into my arms and headed with Edward toward his car. We were almost to the parking lot when I heard my name in the buzzing of voiced around me. I stopped moving altogether. Edward pulled my hand to try and get me away, but I dug my heels into the dirt. He wouldn't be able to get me away without making a scene.

_"Bella Swan…can you imagine trying to kill yourself over a boy? ...only came back because he feels sorry for her…she's not that pretty…probably dump her again soon anyway…"_

Edward gathered me into his arms and sprinted to his car. I couldn't think. I was completely unmoving, all thoughts fled my mind as we raced down the streets, and as he pulled me out of the car and into Charlie's house, but as soon as the door swung shut behind us I felt all my fears come crashing onto my shoulders, and I fell into a sobbing heap onto the floor.

**EPOV**

As soon as I heard them I tried to pull Bella through the crowd as fast as I possibly could while still looking human. But it wasn't fast enough. She had heard their cruel jeers, the result of the jealous minds of adolescent children who had never truly known love. But Bella didn't know that, and I was sure that no matter how much I tried to tell her, she wouldn't believe me. I had thoroughly destroyed her, and I was afraid she was too far broken to ever be fixed again, but that would not stop me from trying.

So, I pulled her into my arms, cradling her in my lap as she cried, clinging to my shirt with all her might, as if she was afraid I would disappear if she didn't hold on tightly enough. I didn't blame her. I had given her reason not to trust me. I didn't know what to say – I was afraid nothing I could say would make it better, so I stayed silent, simply rocking her until her cries died down and she sat in my arms, out of tears and limp.

I leaned in to kiss her hair. "I love you," I whispered gently.

"Prove it," she muttered into my chest.

"What?"

"Prove it." She spoke with conviction this time. "If you love me, prove it. Change me. Do it now. If you really love me, and want me with you forever, you'll change me. When I'm like you, there will be nothing to keep us apart. I want to be with you forever. I can't live without you. Please, Edward. Prove that you love me and change me."

I was about to argue with her, to tell her that she did not know what she was asking for, that she did not understand what it was like, but before I could, the thoughts of my family entered my mind. I had been so absorbed in Bella that I had not noticed them standing outside. _Edward,_ _I know what she's feeling. She's in pain. She truly believes you don't love her. It's crippling Edward. I can't stand it._ Through Alice's thoughts I could see Jasper's face, twisted into an agonized grimace. He was hunched over, and Esme had her arms around him, as he squeezed Alice's hand.

Emmett's angry thoughts entered my head next. _Don't be an idiot, Edward. Don't break her heart again. Every one of us can see what you can't. Don't you understand what it does to her Edward, when you tell her you can't change her? It breaks her. You're not protecting her, you're not saving her; all you're doing is making her think you don't love her enough to want her around for eternity. _

I knew they were right. So, I did the most horrendously selfish thing I had ever done, and I leaned down and whispered into her ear…

"Alright."

She had not been expecting that. Her drooping eyes snapped up to mine. "What?"

"Alright Bella, I'll change you. If that is how I can prove to you how much I love you, then I'll do it. I'll change you, if that's what you really want."

"It is Edward! It is what I want! Do it now. I want to become like you right now." She was on her knees in front of me now, her head tilted to the side exposing her neck to my lips. I leaned in and kissed her on the throat.

"Not now Bella. You won't be able to see anyone anymore after this, and you need time to say goodbye to your family. I will change you; you have my word, but at least wait until after graduation. But I promise, you will be a vampire before your nineteenth birthday."

We looked into each others eyes for several minutes before she leaned forward and kissed me. "Thank you, Edward." Then she stood up and started walking toward the kitchen to prepare Charlie's dinner.

"Bella, wait." She turned around and eyed me skeptically, as if expecting me to change my mind. So, I rose up onto one knee, and her eyes widened. "Marry me first? It doesn't need to be a big ordeal, no one needs to know, and we can just go to the courthouse in Olympia and have it done in ten minutes. There doesn't need to be any fanfare, or rings, or anything. It'll be over before you know it, and then it will be official, as official as it can possibly get. We'll be man and wife, and then nothing can keep up apart. I love you, and I want you to be mine, in every way, mortal and immortal."

She stayed frozen for several minutes, tears brimming over, before she slowly nodded. "Alright. But if I do, will I get a wedding night as well?"

I thought about this, about how very in danger she would be, but then I thought about how very much I love her, and knew that I would never be able to hurt her. So I would do the best I could to make everything perfect for her, everything I could do to make her happy. "I can try. I can't make any promises, I don't know if I'll be able to control myself, but with you, I can try."

She smiled. "That's good enough for me. Can we do it this weekend?"

"If you want to. We can do it whenever you want."

"Good. I'll tell Charlie I'm going shopping in Olympia with Alice, and that we're staying overnight."

"I'll get us the nicest room at the nicest hotel I can find."

Bella's smile widened as she leapt into my arms for a kiss, before turning into the kitchen to make Charlie's dinner. Suddenly, I felt full, satisfied, and more complete than I had felt in over 100 years of life. This weekend, I would truly belong to my one, true love. This weekend, I would be her husband. ****

~~

BPOV

Everything felt so surreal, like I was watching myself from outside of my body. I didn't necessarily want to get married, but I was certainly not opposed to the idea, if it were with Edward. Besides, it's not like I had any ties left to the human world. No one could judge me anymore than they already had, and, the way he had described it really didn't sound so bad. In fact, I felt pretty downright giddy. I had just finished chopping an onion when the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Bells? I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to work a double shift tonight, and I won't be home until early tomorrow morning." I tried to sound sympathetic throughout the rest of the conversation, but, in reality, I was thrilled that Edward and I would have the house to ourselves for the rest of the night. I hung up, put the onion in a ziplock bag, and turned toward the doorway to the kitchen, where Edward was standing with a pained look on his face. My heart immediately sank into my stomach, and my breathing became shallow.

"Edward? What's wrong?"

"Bella, I was just thinking, about our wedding night. I don't think I can do it. You have no idea how much I wish I could do this for you, but, I'm so afraid. I don't think I can. It's, I …it's just… I want you so much… and…" he was stammering, something I was most certainly not used to when it came to Edward, so, I stepped forward and pressed my hand against his cheek. At the contact, his eyes fell closed, and he took a deep breath. "I'm just so afraid of hurting you. I want you, and I love you so, so much, but I'm so afraid I won't be able to control myself. I would die if I ever hurt you."

The pain and sincerity dripping from his words caused my heart to become lodged in my throat. I slid my hand around to the back of his head, where I curled my fingers into his hair, and pulled him down, until his forehead touched mine. I took a deep breath and looked him in the eye. "Edward, there is never any harm in trying. I want you right now, and I know you can try, and I know you will succeed. And I promise, if at any moment you feel out of control, at all, we can stop, no questions asked. But, we are supposed to be getting married this weekend, and, as the saying goes, practice makes perfect. And, as of about 5 minutes ago, we have all night to practice." I have no idea where this confident side of me came from, but it seemed to have worked, because, one moment, I was looking into his black, smoldering eyes, and the next, his mouth came crushing down onto mine.


End file.
